Keeping Mum

It seems as though, these days, people feel they can say what they want, when they want, without recourse. Those of my generation and those of the generation after me (with the apt moniker of iGeneration) have no problem in telling anyone who will listen, as well as those that won't, exactly what they are thinking.

My mum, and those of her generation have not felt the need to be an instant authority on anything, even subjects which they have a firm grasp of. Generally they keep their own counsel, they keep mum.

I suppose social networking applications such as Facebook, Twitter (and yes, blogs) allow a freedom of speech never available to us before. However the medium now available to us carries a responsibility as well. Just because I feel a sense of misplaced self importance with a Facebook, Twitter, or blog account, this doesn't give me the right to mouth off without thinking of others. Freedom of speech is not excluded from following social norms.

Catherine Deveny found this out last week when she posted two Twitter comments about Logies attendees and was sacked for the content within. Media personalities like Catherine and well known radio personality, Kyle Sandilands assume a given right to undermine, belittle, and demean people. I suppose they feel justified because they and are popular for their regular candid and outspoken stance on just about anything. I wonder if this authority of popularity then encourages the general populace to do the same, and damn what anybody else thinks.

I remember posting a silly, but innocuous reply to a friend's comment on Facebook. In a later reply another of her friends likened me to female genitalia. Why did this person feel the need to use such a foul word in a public place. They don't even know me. Why did they feel so much anger towards me? The truth is, they didn't. It's my guess they felt safe enough behind the keyboard to say whatever they want and get away with it. Why not? Media personalities seem to.

I believe Catherine, Kyle, and all of us have a responsibility to keep our comments and opinions socially acceptable. I don't expect them to hold their tongues, just think about what they are saying before they say it. I don't care how outspoken you are, it is unacceptable to tweet about 11 year olds 'getting laid' or using the tragic death of a young actress for a cheap laugh. You should also think twice before you use any four letter word in public (if for no other reason than it may embarrass your friend).

Of course social networking is just one of the places enjoy we can enjoy our democratic right to thrust our opinions, attitudes, or language on others. Whilst shopping the other day I walked past a member of staff obviously trying to embarrass the young man filling the freezer. She called to a third staff member as I was passing and (almost) yelled across me, “Y'know she reckons he's a f@#%ing hornbag.” In my opinion she could get way with using 'hornbag' although I'm guessing she wasn't being paid to chatter inanely. But, adding copulation to it was vulgar and decidedly inappropriate. Fortunately I do not get upset by this language, but I know an awful lot of people who do. Christine trots out a wonderful saying every now-and-then, that sums it up nicely: “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” That's the key: if you think your mum, or your grandmother would disapprove, why would you use it in public? And yes, Facebook, Twitter, even e-mail is public. Once you have put it out there, you may never get it back (with my Facebook incident the comment had been removed, presumably by my friend, but I already had an e-mail alert with the comment in there).

Those who know me also know that I am, to my discredit, inclined to use the 'F' word, especially when in a bad mood. In fact, when I go 'thermo-nuclear' my vocabulary reduces to 15 words, of which at least 7 start with 'f'. However, there is a time and place for everything and I try very hard not to offend anyone with my colourful phrase. What gives me the right to do so? What gives anybody the right to offend people without redress?

Maybe we should take a leaf from the etiquette book of my mother's generation and just keep mum. That way we can still kiss her with that mouth.